Brain Splatter…the return from exile.

Brain Splatter brought to you by…Breaks…everybody needs em’.

I’m back and nothing much has changed…I have been drinking less and working less…which means happier Gav … yayayayyaayayayaayayayayaayayayayayaayayayay…enough of that. Splatter time!

If you’re wondering what I’ve been REALLY doing during my exile… Stay wondering. Because that’s my business.

Never trust a man reading a bible on a train. Especially if he using a highlighter on it…what’s the exams he’s studying for Dogma 1.01?

I love that this image came from a site called liesyoungwomenbelieve.com

Writers block is a pain in the brain.

Buffy the Vampire sucked… How did  this show lasted for more than three episodes? Scary thought: My vampire hate extends 10 years…sad. Although I thought Buffy would be the worst I saw…until Twilight arrived…

True story: I never rated SMH...I think shes kinda gawky.

Things I’ve TRIED doing since I left you, curbed my drinking (semi-successful), and TRIED to abstain from empty sex. You know the kind, “she’s up for it. I’m drunk. Fuck it. Let’s go, sweetheart”. So far I’ve failed miserably…Oh well I’m getting laid at least.

Parking inspectors are scum. They’re job is to ruin peoples day. They even do it with a sick little sneer, like they just came a little. They honest think they’re doing good for the public…or least public morale? I think they’re corporate lapdogs, sipping on the government jizz and making everyone else’s day shit, because they failed at life. These are the first people deported to Antarctica if I take over the country some day. Vote One, Gav!

Sidenote: More people deported to Antarctica would be…environmentalists, your boss, my boss and Gretel Killeen. Vote One, Gav!

I think we all should take a page out of the Mexicans book. 3pm everyone has a nap for an hour. But let’s expand this a bit. You can also go get a massage, have sex with someone or sit in a park and daydream.

This guy has the right idea.

Either way from 3 til 4pm… It’s time to do nothing. Don’t tell me this would great for economy. Thinking of how much massage parlours and the sex industry will make. The hammock industry would go through a boom like the world has NEVER seen. I’m starting an escort service in preparation for this policy.

I’m glad this blog appears after Australia (Invasion) day. It would have featured some “Unaussie” statements and people would have had me deported (what’s with me deportation today?)… ‘love it or leave it’ indeed. It’s a spherical planet the last time I heard.

If the 80s throwback thing is continuing in 2010… Does that mean in 2015 we’ll be listening to mid-90s style music again. I say “fine, no problems”. Pass me the Notorious BIG and A Tribe Called Quest albums. If not those LPs… Blur, Oasis and Pulp then.

These guys were awesome...

What’s the official media name for this decade?

I know I’m no longer ‘young’ when the decade I remember most fondly is now 10 years in my rear view at least. Fuck me, i’m nearly 30!

The most amusing programming decision of 2010 so far. MTV being moved from the Music Package on Foxtel…common sense prevails! For the record 2009’s most amusing was a tie between the end of Rove and Idol getting the boot.

Children are scum… waits for the hate mail.

This is NOT cute!

Days off are a beautiful thing…even more beautiful…is doing NOTHING with them. My rationale: Fuck the outside world, its 40 degrees and I have Air Conditioning…I’m sleeping away the day.

I love plutonic relationships with women…no stupid feelings, just conversation, debate and maybe some underlying sexual tension…the latter part keeps it interesting. Now do you see why I have lots of female friends? Sorry boys, the girls are much more interesting. We can talk about cumshots and titty-fucking later and footy later…or i’ll talk about those things with this girl (you’d be surprised what I’ve spoken to women about candidly)…If I want sex, I’ll put on a smile, flirt with a random woman and do a one-nighter. Confusing ‘logic’ huh?

The fuck-buddy is a great social invention.

Especially is she looks like this...

I love how I’ve somehow made people think I’m stupid and aloof. I’m just ignoring you really.

After watching Invictus, I’ll say Clint Eastwood did a decent job of showing Rugby Union accurately. A good film too.

I’ve never cried during a film, although I wanted to cry after realising I watched 2 hours of ‘The Chronicles of Riddick’…even though it was an advance free screening. I should have sent Vin Diesel a bill for 2 hours of my life back.

Under-rated film:  Crank 2. So stupidly, violent, sexist and INSANE! But great fun. I think Statham is cool too, he seems like a good bloke too.

The only thing that gives me national pride is our fauna…we are surrounded by shit that can kill us. That’s pretty cool.

Apparently I have a weird accent. It’s not Australian, It’s not English (innit?), not Irish…it’s something in between all three according to several people. I call it well-spoken…it’s how words should be spoken…sorry. Also add a slight lisp and you have my speech.

Speaking of the word lisp…what a horrid word to use to for with a lisp…bastards!

Apple is taking over the world…one Ipod at a time. Bill Gates is pissed too.

Unrequited love is powerfully debilitating condition. Donate to the ‘Find Gav a decent girl fund’…Note: to those about to question who this is about…it’s not about anyone…ok?

I’m going to say this categorically. I’M NEVER GETTING MARRIED!!! Fuck the pageantry, the rorting done by venues for the hire of space and then criminally underpaying the staff, to put up with drunk, depressed people who are secretly harbouring hate towards the happy couple because there love life hasn’t been this good since they got hitched OR it never was good OR there single and angry and planning to fuck to awkward looking waitress who just spat in the somebody’s finger food.

Then you added the stupid tension of the families getting together and the Groom thinking ‘tonight better good (a blowjob the poor bastard at least) for what I’ve paid for this shit’. That’s if the parents haven’t shelled out for the wedding.

That being said I’m ‘Best Man’ (I think that could re-thought in my case) at my Best Mates wedding in March and I’m glad they’re making it totally official (trusting me with the rings…scary). For me though, keep me away from Weddings and Wedding parties in general (the aforementioned Wedding excluded). It’s a day for the Bride and most of the time the stubborn, rude bitch of a mother in-law who drives the venue staff mad…Note: I work in hospitality…can’t you tell?

Final thought: How the fuck is Haiti going to get back to its feet? That situation is utterly hopeless. My heart goes out to the people of Haiti.

Regards

Gav

The demise of the Hydey…a sad day.

The end of the Hydey…

Goodbye ol' friend

The Hyde Park Hotel is a Perth Music institution.  It’s been around for Donkeys years and has been the place to be for your first gig as a band. It closes for ‘renovation’ when it’s new owners Woolworths shut up the place Jan 4^th 2010.

Woolies bought the place a couple of years ago, much to the dismay of Perth Music scenesters (you should have seen the thread on perthbands.com). Many a protest gig was launched, but everyone knew the inevitable…they Hydey was endangered and soon to be extinct.

The Hydey closes its doors for the renovation and you can guarantee it’s going to be an upper-crust wank-fest bar and the only live bands you’ll see will be some girl and her guitar playing boyfriend singing covers of Britney Spears. That thought makes my blood boil.

Like a lot of Perth people I have a history with the Hydey. It was once my local (I drove 28 minute to get there for a show but whatever). I saw MANY a local band at that venue, scored some of my best radio interviews from that place and it was also the place where I saw the best live show I’ve seen.

Schvendes were having their nation distribution launch for the first and best CD the ‘Turn Out Your Lights’ EP. They played the best set I ever saw from them (trust me I watched a LOT of Schvendes gigs), and I was left in awe of them. They became my soundtrack for the year of 2005 from that night on. If you’ve heard Schvendes, they’re a dark, brooding band (think Nick Cave and The Bed Seeds with a female singer) and was a perfect soundtrack for darkest period in my personal life but let’s move on.

Before Schvendes gigs (not mention everyone else I saw there), there were the Monday Nights at the Hydey and Hip-Hop sets and DJs and generally a place to drink, and rhyme (badly in my case) and talk shit with fellow Hip-Hoppers. These were my favourite nights of the week and when they coupled with the Rosemount Tuesday Nights (another Oz Hip Hop night)…I was in white-boy Hip-Hop heaven.

The Rosie nights were better for acts. But the Hydey because of its sticky beer carpet, tiny sized front room (where most of the history is) was a good, dark place for a bunch of disenfranchised kids to enjoy their favourite style of music.  Heck even the fights in the car park were fun to watch. These fights were also the reason Hip-Hop nights stopped at the Hydey, oddly enough.

I haven’t been to the Hydey since December 31 2008. I worked on the door that night for a Perth Music NYE Party and got enjoy very little of the band sets (a very shitty NYE in hindsight), but looking around I did wonder how long it’d be before it’s turned into ‘Le Hydey Park Cocktail bar and Restaurant’. La-de-fucking-da!

I feel bad for the Perth Music bands who won’t get there starts anymore, feel bad for the regular punters, the pool players, the crusty ol’ locals and pretty much anyone who has a nice memory there. It’s the end of an era, the Hydey is dead. If Amps is the place for local music now…I fear for the scene too.

Regards

Gav

Brain Splatter 2009 Awards!!!!

Brain Splatter Awards brought to you by another shitty year in retrospect…

Alright you bloodsucking leech-fucks…I just wanted to get some abuse in before I hand out the love…here are a whole bunch awards to various groups and people…it’s time for Brain Splatter awards for 2009.

The TSAR Award: Gretel hosting the Logies…they deserve each other but fuuuuuck!

*throws up*

Honourable Mention: Everyone I know getting married.

Film of the Year: Inglorious Basterds: Quinten turned up for this one. This was brutal, funny in stages and downright entertaining start to finish. Scalping Nazis for the win!

Honourable Mention: Avatar…Blue things and next level computer graphics in 3d for the win!

Epic Fail of the Year: My failed move to Melbourne….this was always going to win. My attempt to run away from my problems by fucking off to a place which has caused me so much grief before was always a doomed move. Although losing a job you never got to start, being evicted and leaving in 6 days was a damn near perfect 10 in the epic fail scale. Well done Gav…

Honourable mention: Falling in love with a taken woman.

Idea of the year: Brain Splatter…what?

Honourable Mentions: Buying my Ipod and doing the NSW roadtrip.

My favourite Blog of the year: My stupid ‘Sexblog’…I thought it was funny…read it again with me. http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=72827179715

Stupidest idea of the Year: Isnack 2.0…enough said.

*throws up*

The Gretel Killeen Award for most bashed celeb of 2009: Lady Gaga…I think made about 9748479388 references to her during the course of the year. All making fun…especially when the having a hermie dick thing surfaced…

*throws up*

Honourable Mention: Gretel Killeen of course…fuckin’ lego bitch.

Lowlight of 2009: Every day I pretended to be nice at work…misanthropy is a disease and a gift.

Honourable Mention: Waking up…my dreams are so nice.

Highlight of 2009: The NSW Road trip in November…seriously one of the best weeks of my life.

Honourable Mention: My 25^th Birthday Mess (Party)…what a wild and drunken night! Cheerio to Jasmone btw!

Album of the Year: Nothing really stood out for me this year…no winner.

Honourable Mentions: Sugar Army’s debut, Bloody Beetroots – Romborama and Mumford and Sons – Sigh No More

EP of the Year: My Mad Flow – We Can’t Always Pretend We’re Innocent.

The ‘Keep Your Teeth’ Award (for the person that pissed me off the most): You’re reading his thoughts now.

Honourable Mentions: You, people I have to serve in my job and a dog named Pippa.

Best sporting moment of 2009: LeBron’s Game Winner in The NBA Playoffs.

Facebookers…click the pic to see the video!

Honourable Mention: Dwayne Wade’s dunk on Cleveland in November.

Best TV Moment: Hey Hey It’s Saturday…it was so tragically bad, that it was good. Lots of goofy childhood memories came back.

Honourable Mention: Rove quitting…thank fuck!

The How Could I Betray Myself…but it’s pretty good Award: I’m now a fan of Hamish and Andy…I even Subscribe to their Podcast…what have I become?

Honourable Mentions: Becoming Addicted to my Ipod and Falling in love with Dance Music.

Song of the Year: My Mad Flow – Untitled #2. This is an amazing song, about getting away from it all with your lover. ‘Break Free, I know a place that we could go’. That’s been a phrase in my head since this song came into my life like a warm hug.

Thank Yous: Thanks to the readers for making me argue my points and see the gaping holes in my twisted logic. Thanks to the world for pissing me off and giving me the fuel throw out the level of hate I put out each week. Keep it up.

With Whatever

Gav

2010 Brain Splatter

Brain Splatter brought to you by me…well it is…

Happy new year cocksuckers…see that was semi nice…

Common sense isn’t that fuckin common.

You know what’s fun…because I don’t I need some help on this one.

A big thank you to whoever invited the kebab.

Have I ever mentioned I hate people? Oh yeah…

I thank the Irish for many things for many things…but especially redheads.

Britney Murphy died…so what? She was the slut in 8 mile whoop-de- fucking-do

She was hot though...

I should get more sex… Oh yeah I think like this… Never mind.

As much as I didn’t miss the bullshit. Goddamn I missed radio. Good to be back.

For those unfortunate enough to hear my radio show…this blog does NOT exist. Thank you.

I’d like to thank my last long-term girlfriend for fucking me up the way she did. You can blame her Bill Hicks, George Carlin and Schvendes for the hate expressed here. Schvendes were the soundtrack to my depression.

Just watching video clips. I wonder how Many people from these 80s videos are dead now?

I wonder what the defining songs of the last decade was? Let me know what you think.

The Presidents were a good fun band.

Hahahahahahaha I always Thin Lizzys singer was a white guy…

The biggest story of the decade… September 11. The fact that I can just mention a date and you know what I mean should say enough. But everything since in world politics was changed on this day. I still remember skipping class to watch the carnage.

The lasting image of my generation

Drama should be reserved for the stage.

The bucketheads – the bomb. Forgotten banger for the 90s.

God bless One HD. College Basketball on a sunday morning. Win!

You know what? I want an avatar woman… I don’t care if she’s 3 metres tall. Big blue chick that can shoot arrows is pretty hot.

Although she does look like a cat on further inspection...

A direct quote from brothers mate Ned ‘spooning is like a backpack full of hugs’. Whoa!

Shit that scares me category… Irukandji jellyfish…they’re tiny and can kill you within several hours of being stung by it. Fuck that shit!

This is pretty close to scale too!

Sunshine and lollipops can go fuck themselves!

I can put with most people for about 3 minutes before wanting out. Good or bad thing?

I want this car…

Although it’s more of a tank then a car but whatever. Ganksta!

Michelle rodrigez for the win. The typecast tomboy of action flick was actually hot in Avatar. Womeeeennnn in uniform!

I can see why people live UFC so much. But why dont get average meathead thugs off the street and then just let them fuckwits beat the shit out if eachother on TV. I would tune in for sure.

Taxi drivers are scum on the whole. Shit job I know, but they are fucking scumbags.

Why I don’t watch the news. When a pack dog cunt teens rape a 12 year old girl is I get angry and stop watching the news. Those fucks needs to be castrated and I don’t mean chemically. No antistetic either…make them suffer the way that girl did. She’s fucked for life now…scumfuck kids.

Happy new year.

Gav