Gav’s Grand Final Diary…pt 1…

Here we go… St.Kilda Vs Collingwood in the 2010 AFL Grand Final. I’m writing this introduction 2.5 hours before the event and on 5.5 hours sleep. Watching Ben Cousins talk about himself…what’s new?

I’m hoping for a good game and couldn’t care less who wins either way. I’m not one of those Collingwood Vs Australia folk either. I just want a good, tight contest. Now Collingwood will win by 20 goals because I wrote that one. Either way, breakfast awaits…

11:42: Time to start writing I think. JD Fortune from INXS is a fucking douche, I want to hit him…with a truck…then back over him….56 times. I know INXS picked him out because he pretty much sounds like Michael Hutchence, but he’s a total douchebag! It Ain’t Pretty INXS!

11:45 Hearing voice-over man Craig Willis say ‘Put your hands together for INXS brought to you by Carlton Draught’ seems wrong.

11:46: Just saw a package for the Gold Coast Sun…why? They won’t see a Grand Final for 5 years…why only 5…because the AFL will pump money into them AND Greater Western Sydney and have meeting in the 2015 Grand Final.

11:51: It’s time to salute our Grand Final teams…with the Melbourne Symphony…and while they play ‘Up There Calazy”…which always seemed like a call for rape…i’m grabbing my first drink.

11:54: Jim Beam O’ Clock…and the woman singing the Saints song is HORRIFIC! The Pies singer guy was really good. The orchestra thing needs be to done again. Sounded really well…minus the Saints singer.

11:55: Paris Wells who put out a decent R&B single about 3 years ago was the Saints girl…wow…they Autotuned her ass really well. She was truly horrific. She wasn’t as hot as I remember too.

11:57: They just dropped the cup down from a frumpy guy abseiling from a Balloon shaped like Footy. Produced a big laugh from me…are you even trying Australian Football League?

11:59: They’re showing this erection problems ad A LOT!

12:01: In a case of Gav over-analysing commercial again. The Woolworths steak commercial is stupid. A steakhouse chef would be covered in blood and fat…not in a crisp, just folded apron, don’t patronise me.

12:08: Interviews with the Captains and Coaches….boring. BOUNCE THE BALL!

12:09: The Pies fans are chanting to ‘Collingwooooood’ already. Confident much, Pies fans!

12:10: I wonder what low-quality Cola they use for these Jim Beam cans?

12:14: Channel 7s Coverage is so much than Channel 10/One HDs. Dennis Commetti is the man!

12:16: Michael Gardiner from St.Kilda at the back on the huddle trying to hear the address from his captain…looked like an old man at a nightclub….”what!!!? Go Ford and Kick the pole?”

12:20: The Victorian Club have the best Club Songs. Fuck the Eagles and their club song…Freo too!

12:22: Wow, that Collingwood chant is up again…that’s one primed fan base.

12:23: I love this slow motion Carlton Draught ad. It’s a classic!

12:27: I love our national anthem…no one cares…well not like the Americans…you see people get choked up…I nearly choked up…the guys singing our anthem are a folk duo…what the fuck!?

12:30: GAME ON! Well almost…they mentioned that St.Kilda and Collingwood….brawl? Please?

12:32: GAME THE FUCK ON! Bounce down!

12:32: Goal! Collingwood up early! What a roar for that goal too….24 seconds to get the first goal.

12:35: Collingwood are up! They probably shouldn’t shoot their wad yet.

12:39: Goal to Milne. St.Kilda  1.0.6, Collingwood 1.1.7

12:41: Opportunistic Goal from the Pies. 2.1.13 Saints 1.0.6

12:43: Didak just kicked a ripper from the boundary. Made it look easy….3.1.19 Pies. Saints 1.0.6

12:45: Dale Thomas just kicked a mongrel punt…and it went through for a goal. 4.1.25 Pies…St.Kilda are rattled!

12:59: Saints back in it. 2 quick goals…sorry watching the game and some fucking cold calling dickhead interrupted me too…I thought I was on the ‘Do Not Call Register’. Fuck them for interrupting my Grand Final…P.S I’m starting to enjoy these drinks too much. Scorecheck: 4.2.26 Pies. 3.2.20

1:02: Collingwood 4.2. 26. St.Kilda 3.2. 20. I need a refill for this drink, I think. P.S Fuck that telemarketer.

1:11: 2^nd Quarter now…new shirt…my Sydney Swans Guernsey! GO SWANS!

1:12: Travis Cloke kicks a goal. Collingwood 5.2.32, St.Kilda 3.2.20.

1:21: St.Kilda goal. Collingwood 5.3.33, St.Kilda 4.2.26. Great game, tough, lots of niggle too. I want to see some blood now!

1:26: Collingwood get a goal from a 50 metre penalty. 6.4.40 Pies. Saints 4.2.26

1:35: Harry O’Brien kicks a goal to put the Pies further in front. 7.6.48 Pies. Saints 4.2.26

1:40: Travis Cloke just did a Travis Cloke…sprayed a shot on goal directly in front 20 metres out…baha!

1:41: Then another!

1:42: Half time. Collingwood 7.8.50. St.Kilda 4.2.26. Drink Refill!

1:55 I never got the point of the Grand Final Sprint…a bunch of rejects and people not playing anymore this season running…yay!

1:56: For the record: Luke Miles from St.Kilda won the sprint.

2:04: What I hate about modern footy, no punches thrown. Boys, who gives a shit? Start throwing haymakers!

2:08: I got my Blood! Collingwood Player runs from the ground with Blood Nose…better than nothing. Then a St.Kilda goal…a Good minute. I want a St.Kilda comeback…I want a contest. This drunk man needs entertainment!

2:20: After much scramble and a few rush behind finally a mark! And Saints goal to Goddard.

2:22: Collingwood 7.11. 53 St.Kilda .6.4 40. Saints lifting…gimme some drama you bastards!

2:25: I think that drama is on the way. The Saints lifting! GOAL from Sam Gilbert! 7.4.46 Saints. Pies 7.11.53.

2:27: Dale Thomas sprays an easy shot on goal. Collingwood are looking rattled now. Game the fuck on!

2:32: 3 Quarter Time. Collingwood 7.13.55 St.Kilda 7.5.47. Cool, I get my drama now.

2:41: It’s going to be war! Bounce down, Final Quarter of the season. 8 points in it.

2:51: LEON DAVIS! Does something for the first in a big game…GOAL Pies! 8.13.61 Saints 7.5.47.

2:53: Still lots of niggle. These teams HATE eachother!

2:54: Free kick in the Saints 50…HIT THE POST!

2:56: LENNY HAYES! Goal to St.Kilda. Collingwood 8.13.61, Saints 8.6.54

2:57: Mark to Steven Milne! GOAL to Steven Milne!!! St.Kilda pull within 1 point!

3:00: My roommate just woke up…baha!

3:01: Nick Revolt just nearly put the Saints in front! Maxwell saved the goal….desperation! Scores level!

3:02: Goddard takes a screamer! Then kicks an easy goal! Saints in front!

3:04: Saints concede a behind. St.Kilda 10.7.67 Collingwood 8.14.62

3:05: Blood Rule, followed by Red Cross Blood Bank Ad…very clever, Channel 7.

3:08: Collingwood Kick an Opportunistic Goal! Travis Cloke! HOLY SHIT! Pies in front by 1 pt! St.Kilda 10.7.67, Collingwood 9.14.68!!!!!!!!!

3:10: WE HAVE A DRAW!!!! 1:28 to go!!! Steven Milne got the worst bounce in history.

3:15: IT’S A DRAW!!!!!!!!! 9.14.68 10.8.68!!!

3:17: Wow…everyone is stunned! I’m stunned! This is nuts!!!!

3:23: Why bother with the Norm Smith Medal?? Lenny Hayes??? Try Brendan Goddard! Fuck what a joke!

3:24: I guess we will do this all again next week. Have good one. Cya next week for the replay.

Regards

Gav