Brain Splatter brought to you by Jessica Watson…seems everything is has her mug on it at the moment….

One thing I can say about this blog is that it’s not as insane and offensive I think it is…I’m not talking about skull-fucking Miley Cyrus in grand detail…so I guess it’s okay…

Hey baby...

Enough with Jessica Watson already…can’t you make your millions quietly, Jess?

I have a title for a nerdy teen sex comedy ‘Sex: The Final Frontier’…

Facebook fuelled murders…wow, someone took being deleted a little too seriously.

You know what’s good… a warm blanket and a Milo.

You know what else is good…an ex-gymnast who can deep-throat.

Yeeahhhh

Scary Bogan moment: Screaming at the TV before the bounce of the game…COM’ON DOCKERS!!! Errr Bruce McAveny is still on the pitch talking to Mark Harvey…shut up.

You know why I listen to so many Podcasts…because I know 80% of the people I speak to daily and have got nothing interesting to say.

The Biggest Loser should be a reality show about guys who sit in their Mum’s house writing blogs….well I don’t with my mum so I don’t qualify….fuck you!

Whatever happened to 5ive…I hope they have Erectile Dysfunction problems and Herpes, wherever they are now. Same goes for the ‘VengaBus’ assholes.

Good Riddence, Innit

Underrated superpower: Giving a woman an orgasm with telekinesis…don’t tell me that wouldn’t help you pick up easier.

Why is that Indie kids dress like they’re in a John Hughes film…Molly Ringwald is not coming for you. So dress normal dickface!

Tisk Tisk, girls

You can tell I don’t have a girlfriend.

The world has gone mad…The Dockers and Mark Webber are winning stuff…is that the Four Horsemen I see on the horizon?

What the fuck is going on here?

Destroy, my friend…De-fuckin-stroy!

You know who should host the Logies next year…Wil Anderson…and then he can tweet about how shit he was on stage…com’on Wil do it for Adam Spencer.

These are the thoughts that have saved me from domestic bliss…

Scary thought…my high school reunion is next year…May I just say, for the record i’m NOT ATTENDING ASSHOLES! I’d rather attempt to rape a rabid pit bull then see the folks from Padbury High School again. Thank You.

You know you’re starting to be an adult when you don’t know what the cool TV show to watch is…is it Glee? If it is…I’m glad I don’t know…but when I was in those formative years it was ‘Dawson’s Creek’…Note: I’ve still never seen that show.

Hey Hey It’s Saturday is a truly sad case.

If he still dressed like this on the show...I would watch

Congratulations to England for winning the T20 World Cup….finally you win a game you INVENTED!

Huh?

I shudder to think what music is going to popular in 20 years…wow, how old am I? 46? I already listen to talk radio more than FM radio…concerning.

This ‘Bieber Fever’ thing isn’t new…Hanson drew the same reaction from 10 year old girls in 1997…I’m sure someone like Rick Astley did it for the ‘tweeners’ in 80s…the cycle of commercial factory copies continues.

Die!

I heard Robert Pattison (who plays Edward in the Twilight movies) is rumoured to play Kurt Cobain…I would go to see this, if we get to see Robert blow for real his head off with Cobain’s style. That I would watch.

On that note…Stephanie Meyer you have a lot to answer for.

My definition of Pop culture is playing with Bubble Wrap and Finger Paint…

I’m a motor boating son-of-a-bitch. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b!

Any excuse to put up Jennifer Love Hewitt...

I don’t get guys who go to Strip joints…the girls dance, they tease, they take your petty cash and they leave…what’s the appeal this? You can get married to have a woman steal your hard earned and you get the occasional sex act too…think about it.

In similar vein: If you want to ‘watch’ I have two words for you…Internet Porn. May I suggest youjizz.com?

Tony Abbot seems like he’s a little uptight…someone get the man a blowjob.

Breathe!

Infomercials are a sure sign that humans are going to way with society.

Does Jeep need a clothing brand? Really?

For those wondering about this…I gave an excellent neckrub…I’m also the best ‘cuddle’ you know.

Taxi Drivers: Your driving is questionable at the best of times; you shouldn’t be texting while driving with me in the back after a long night. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD FUCKSTICK!

Henry Rollins said that “Cynicism is Intellectual Cowardice”. I must be a Mega-Pussy then.

I’m not bitter…I’m…acerbic.

Why is it when I think of positive thinking…I think of the phrase ‘Motivation Speaking, Money Laundering, Scam Artist Cocksucker’. Why I think this…I don’t know.

Why are we so mean to sluts? Sluts provide a fantastic service the public…and the occasional STD. Leave the sluts alone…bitch.

Hi girls.

Who thought of the cumshot? Imagine asking your partner way back whenever…”Hey wench, i’m about to ejaculate. Can spray this semen in your face?” This was definitely a Man’s idea…and god bless that son-of-a-bitch! Come (Pun intended) to think of it…I would bet the Romans thought of this.

I think it’s pretty fucking amazing that have a dialect of English totally dedicated to hiding truth…ask a lawyer or a PR person about it one day.

It’s really weird watching The Care Bears movie now…not that i’ve watched it at all. Holding my Grumpy Bear and singing along. Ummm, Fuck Toy Story!

Nawww

It’s been a long time since anyone has made a genuinely sweet kids movie. I blame Lion King.

For those 15 year old, Acne ridden Nerdy Virgins out there…I remember your pain. Although, I never had Acne.

10 Things the world doesn’t need anymore of:

Reality TV shows…MTV does enough damage for everyone.

Lawyers

Lycra-clad Cyclists

McDonalds stores

Twilight Merchandise

‘Jet’ Albums

Girls with Lady Gaga hair

Fake Tan distribution

Karaoke Bars

Awards Ceremonies…I’ve got a Nationally recognised award to my name for fuck sake!

Until next time….go forth and provide an orgasm.

Regards

Gav