Brain Splatter brought to you by stuff and things…

Anyone who asks for anything “Gluten Free” for should think about where their life is going. Gluten Free food is a con, and anyone who is Lactose Intolerant needs to harden up….and sit on the toilet.

Channel 7…it’s sinful that you put on the Iron Man competition (when was that relevant?) and then a shit movie…when everywhere else that loves footy is watching Collingwood Vs Western Bulldogs or something…disgusting…for how much you payed for the AFL…show me two games on a Sunday, thank you.

In a week where Perth had the ‘worst storm in 50 years’ (which lasted all of 25 minutes for the record), America gets some health care reform and the footy returns to my life…here’s my one question…’where the bitches at?

Bllllllat!

I wonder where I’d be if I didn’t have Podcasts?…probably in a ditch with a bottle of Jim Beam Black.

I love walking through market areas; I wonder where the fuck do they find this crazy shit? Who manufactures these little plastic knick nacks, rather authentic looking automatic weapon toys and the weird cheap stuffed toys? Who makes that sitting whale/pan pipe music you hear at some of these new age stands with smelly oils and homemade shit you don’t want nor need?…and who buys enough of this shit that it needs to be made in the first place?

Example A...

Everything is for sale…including me…how much are willing to pay for me…seriously?

I know the phrase “no one likes a sad-sack”, what does a happy sack look like? Maybe sacks are just genuinely unhappy with being a sack…what comes in a sack really? Balls, dirty vagrant clothing and potatoes. I reckon being a sack would suck…but that’s just me.

My god I wish I was still on the Gold Coast, with a drink in my hand and a woman in the other…end of fucking story.

You know what I hate about Easter…actually Easter doesn’t bother me much…moving on.

I think we should the throw book at Catholic Priests would fondle young boys…like that Big fuck-off bible they read from…and throw it from top of the Church onto their heads….if God isn’t smiting these cunts, then we should.

I like the idea of becoming a recluse.

Minus the cigarette and look like James Deans...this works for me.

I hate commercial for Old People Villages…Imagine that…fun and socialising (Bridge games and gossip)…coupled with Arthritis and Death. God please, let me die young.

Cyclists are back on the agenda of people who need to lined up and shot in the genitals. Especially these cocksucker bicycle couriers, who think the middle of the road is where they belong…you don’t belong there fucktard! You’re the cause of traffic jams, the scum of my driving life and need to be eliminated from the gene pool immediately.

How hard is it to get a Taxi from a Rank 350 metres down the road the front of hotel?…I don’t get these Taxi operators and the drivers who take a job to pick up someone from a hotel front when they’re a good 12 minutes away from the front of the hotel…when the guys in the rank 350 metres down the fucking road are talking about the last fare they raped.

Taxis are one of the biggest cases of daylight robbery in the economy. Having some illiterate, potting mouthed, halfwit with a breathing disorder and breath that would kill a dog, drive me to the middle of nowhere to try and put me in a shallow grave is not a service…its theft and possibly murder and rape…in that order.

Stern Hu gets no sympathy from me…you fuck around in someone else’s country and break their laws…you deal with their punishments…the same goes for the Bali 9 and Shappelle Corby.

Someone tell me why Formula 1 gets TV coverage?

Best part about doing a radio show on Community Radio…most of the time you have no boss. Play your ‘Sponsorship Announcements’ and behave on the mic and you’re mostly left the fuck alone to play good tunes…why would I ever go back to commercial radio?

Watching Cricket outside of summer seems un-natural. Take IPL for instance…it’s a competition with NO soul…fuck watching that shit! Australia playing any other Test series from the Ashes overseas…snore! Or anything else outside of the Channel 9 stuff, during the summer…cricket is an after-thought at best from March to November.

Even this chick looks bored...

I’m thinking of re-writing ‘Waiting for Godot’ in Modern Slang for film…basically for those who have never heard of the play. It’s two dudes sitting on the side of the road talking shit for over an hour…there’s a cameo from another guy midway through ‘the plot’ (could be some cool celeb from whatever). Don’t tell me this wouldn’t go over well with the Indie kids. Just mention The Smiths or Bob Dylan or something at some point.

As for the hat emptying of the boot or the other guy checking his shoe every so often, one guy can check for his Mobile Phone for coverage and never find it and the other guy will start listening to his Ipod selfishly, while the guy with the shit phone coverage will get mad. I think this the best idea for a while…I’ll watch this over ‘The Bounty Hunter’ or some shit Rom-Com anyday.

If we’re having so many re-makes happening at the moment…I think a new ‘Empire Records’ needs to be made. The new plots revolves around the death of CD stores to Itunes…but this time the store actually goes out of business. Maybe Warren can actually shoot someone this time too.

Post-Modernism is rampant in Dance Music right now…when people are covering ‘Your Woman’ by White Town from 1997 in 2010 with Wiley rapping on it to make it sound somewhat different is when we are totally without ideas…sad.

Regards and Anger

Gav