Brain Splatter…brought to you by DVT

I remember the reason I don’t fly Virgin…I should say reasons. Tiny seats, much more cantankerous passengers, you pay for food…the fact they charge you for a TV dinner is actually insulting. Furthermore, if you’re not a member of the ‘Velocity’ Club they try to charge you 35 bucks to use their lounge…utterly atrocious. There better be a blowjob waiting for once I get in that door. 35 bucks…fucking hell!

Because i’ve been on holidays all my thoughts have been on Pussy and Alcohol. I don’t apologise for this.

This flight needs one thing….TURBULANCE!

I think they’re should be a totally separate airline for people carrying children. Not everyone wants to hear they’re babble, crying and puking. We’ll call this Airline…Fresh Air for young singles. Don’t tell this wouldn’t work…because it would!

Congratulations to those who made Hurt Locker, common sense prevailed and Avatar didn’t win everything…Avatar is visually stunning and took movies in an exciting new direction but it wasn’t the best film of the year. Christopher Waltz was a LOCK for the Best Supporting Actor in Inglorious Basterds it’s the best acting performance I’ve ever seen in years…Tarantino now has an Oscar attached to a movie…scary.

Mr.Waltz as The Jew Hunter...a polite monster...speaks 4 languages...what a performance!

I don’t think i’ll be flying again this year…unless someone hands out some hard drugs.

Kalgoorlie is not that far from being underneath us on this plane…my kingdom for a nuclear payload.

By the time you’re finished reading this sentence you may have realise this thought never really occurred and you just read a complete waste of words.

I remember why I didn’t go to Oz Hip Hop shows anymore…Sausagefest! Fuck the music, where are the women at? This logic doesn’t apply to be dragged along to a Lady Gaga show…no straight male would go to a Gaga show voluntarily.

Must...not...kill!

I’m sick of the pre-season…start the fucking Footy already!

I don’t trust GPS units.

EEEEEEEEEEEVVVVILLLLLLLL!

I really don’t want vote in this upcoming for anyone…Christ…Rudd or Abbott…it’s like watching the retarded kids fight at school…actually that would be infinitely more entertaining!

I know it’s common knowledge but when I can of coke is cheaper than water, we’re fucked as a culture.

I saw a poster for a move called Kick-Ass…which featured some guy looking a Power Ranger…what the fuck is this about? Check the video….fuck yes!

I’m not an elitist but I do think you’re below me. Scum.

You know I miss in movies…Heather Graham. Yum Yum!

De-fucking-stroy!

I’ve thought more during the space of the writing of this Splatter than average Bogan does in a week. FACT!

These blogs are such a waste of your time but they keep me from taking control of the plane though.

What is the scarier weirdo guy…the guy who can kind of/almost carry a normal conversation but you get that sexual predator vibe from or the guy who says weird shit and try to hit on anything with heartbeat and never even gets close. Who’s going to commit sexual assault first? Or randomly stab someone in a club? What do we do with these people? How they come about in first place…i blame the parents. Wow…I need a drink!

Charm gets you nowhere. Trust me I know.

Imagine me with LOTS of money….scary thought huh?

I love hearing Country Commercial Radio’s ‘Hamish and Andy” copies…it’s truly Pathetic. ‘Buddy and Charlie’ driving you home and pretty doing everything Hamish & Andy do… but poorly.

Speaking of radio: Dools on Nova…Triple J fans rejoice! Robbie Buck on ABC NSW talking to the oldies…now for Richard Kingsmill to move on…the only way THAT guy is leaving JJJ is in a box. That’s probably the same with Rosie…and I don’t blame them for that. Definitely one of those unfulfilled fantasies…*cuts wrists vertically*

Adelaide’s BIG attraction…”We’ve got Pandas”. Pandas and Wine in Adelaide…wow. I’m falling over myself to go to Adelaide. That’s like Perth saying we have Black Swans and the Freo Dockers…actually those ARE Perth’s attractions…

YOU ARE INSANE FOR READING THIS!

If I wasn’t Australian i’d want to be Canadian. I love those crazy Canucks.

SLAP THE GOON!

SLAP THAT SHIT!

I finally went to Nimbin and found myself feeling dirty. Does this mean i’m right wing?

I wonder would Bill Hicks would say about the world circa 2010.

The man.

Best part about my holiday. I reckon I spoke to about 100 people all week…that’s about 1900 less than normal. Fuck, it was beautiful to have space.

Every time I fly, I think of Fight Club. Tyler Durden would be a great “Single Serving Buddy”.

We are all singing, all dancing, crap of the world...

I wonder how many case of Flight Rage have been on Virgin Flights. I feel like strangling the family in the row in front of me. Trust me; I’d be doing the world a favour.

I’ll end this Splatter with *shoots himself in head*…well that would splatter anyone’s brain…*dead*

With Love and concerning amount of suicide jokes

Gav