Love Splatter.

This is a bit of special subject ‘splatter’ about love and relationships that I wrote down one night and edited into a blog. It’s a bit self-absorbed and somewhat dark…but enjoy.

I’ve been away for a bit, because of work commitments. I’m working tirelessly (trust me when I say i’m faking it) and the money is looking sexy in my bank account right now. Alas apart from my work and lack of blogging. Some amazing things have been happening in the in twisted world I live in. My best friends are either having children or getting married and I’m thinking about the unthinkable… I’m thinking about love. *and the readers die*

I’ve previously written about my total atheism when it comes to love (much to reader protest and the loss of friendship). I don’t believe in it, it’s not for me; it’s going to happen to me…I will admit, I would love for it to happen, but it’s just not going to. I trust my gut on more things these days and I know I’m right about this.

Now, I’m thinking about love constantly. I’ve recently met two women who I have actually liked, not just wanted to trade bodily fluids with and put them down as another statistic. I’m talking dating, picnics, romance, laying on car bonnets watching the stars cuddled in blanket, talking shit for hours. I’m dreaming about love every night, in all seriousness. I’m not in love with anyone, but it’s decided to dangle the carrot and say to me…

’Hey Gav this love gear is good for you…even though you don’t believe in it…here it was it looks like…enjoy the show, sunshine’ My Brain is the snake in Adam and Eve now…tempting me with thoughts of happiness, then I wake up.

I’ve even thought about what kind of woman would be a good match for me. What kind of women would be able to make me go Gaga and see that tunnel vision which people in love do? More on that thought later.

Is there such thing? I know there is actually. I see it in my best friend and his fiancé.

They were introduced by my other best friend (who is recently married herself). They met, fell in love almost instantly, she moved in our house a week after they met and never looked back. They’re now engaged, have a bouncing baby boy together and are happy. But is that all love is? Happiness?

What is it we crave and drive us to find love. Is the companionship we crave? The extra body in your bed at night?  A shoulder to lean on? The wonderful picture of waking up next to her, mattered hair, your t-shirt and tracksuit pants and finding it the most beautiful thing ever regardless of her thinking she looks hideous. Is it someone to hear your darkest thoughts and not judge you for them? For someone who considers himself a bit of a loner, these thing seem incredibly farfetched, besides I don’t like telling people about my truly dark inner thoughts, this is ‘Gav’s Brain Lite’. They’re some things which shouldn’t be said, released to the masses. Like the next Lady Gaga album or anything else to do with ‘Fast and Furious’.

Love is blind too. Look at Chris Brown and Rhianna.

Love is certainly not sex; sex can be extension of love. A physical expression of love certainly doesn’t signify love, or does it? Love and sex are closely related in nature. Both can be unbelievably satisfying, mind-blowing experiences, it can also be a task, it can be rough, it can be uncomfortable, and dark. It can be terrible and sometimes for one party, it can be a bore and you lose interest. Is that a good sex life is a good for a relationship? Perhaps. Sex for me at the moment is purely for the enjoyment. I can certainly separate a good fuck from making love.

I tend to think love is finding someone who totally understands you and in the bluntest way possible, someone who you can stand to be around for more than 24 hours straight.

In my case, she’d need to be a patient woman, trust me when I say I’m a handful. The woman to make me believe in love would have to the complete opposite of me. She’d be happy, smart, patient (there is that word again) and beautiful to the core. Could she be a shining light to shine on my dark, sardonic, self absorbed little aura turning me into a loving, gracious, committed man…maybe? Although these blogs would dry up if someone took that away from me. A sacrifice I may even be willing to make.

That’s the scariest part for me, I’ve been in a rut for so many years now, that I may not be able to feel happiness or love and not feel incredibly lost and uncomfortable. Commitment to something new (even if it’s good for me) is not a strong suit of mine.

But for those people who are addicted to the chemical reaction known as love, I know what I’m missing out on. The fact that we humans spend so much time and money on love, i.e. internet dating sites for the desperate and dateless… ladies and gentlemen love is BIG business…ask a florist around Valentine’s Day, if they’re not too busy cutting thorns off rose stems, or counting their V-day profits and rubbing the money on themselves with a sick form sexual glee.

But enough of these pointless, illogical meanderings about something that I’m the least qualified person to speak about. ‘All you need is love, Love is all you need’ John Lennon famously sang…I think I need a drink, a blowjob and a lobotomy actually.

Love

Gav

P.S I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject.