Public Holiday Monday Splatter…

Brain Splatter…brought to you Patrick Swayze…seems it’s his week…you know he only made ONE good movie…it was this.

Just remember that kids…

BLLLLLLLLAATTTTT: Splatter Time, bitches…

I bought a HUGE TV…just thought you needed to know.

I’ve never met anyone who loves someone biting their ears. Even during sex…stop doing this!

Holy shit, kids toys are so much better when I was a kid. Probably much more expensive though.

I remember watching Beyond 2000, and thinking ‘cool when I grow I’ll be driving a hovercar’. I feel robbed, where the fuck is hovercar? We can’t even get an electrical car on the road. Where is my fusion powered hovercar?

Not what i'm talking about...

Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh, sorry I was thinking about the return to warm weather.

What did Apple do in those years they were not selling iPods, and IPhones and IPod Accessories and the Apple laptops? Seriously…how did they survive the Windows onslaught of the 90’s?

Imagine your life without this blog…isn’t it better?

Also think about this internet has given self-centred arseholes like me a platform to put their ridiculous, stupid and shit thoughts out there for you all to read…god bless the internet!

I should get over the Rosie Beaton thing, huh?

Isssnnn'tt shheeee luuuuurrrrrvvvely....Stevie Wonder would cry about being referenced in hthis blog...

I love Grand Final Day…no matter who is playing! I love sitting down with drinks and snacks and watching a contest…how Australian of me.

MMmmMMMmm Sooky Stackhouse….I don’t watch this stupid show…Anna Paquin needs to buy me a drink. I’d love to make her weekend.

Am I the only person in Australia that didn’t watch MasterChef…I hate cooking for me, why would I watch other people cook on TV…fucking stupid!

I should be Lindsay Lohan’s friend…she’d buy me drinks would have hot friends and we could have meaningless sex.

SHOTS for Gav and Lindsay!

Dust Storms in Sydney, Small Earthquakes in Melbourne….Perth….nothing. Fuck!

Speaking of Earthquakes, I’ve been in one…but I didn’t wake up. It was a small Earthquake but while I was living in Kalgoorlie during the final stage of my ill-fated radio career, there was an Earthquake measure 3 point something on the Richter scale. I slept through it. I think I was the only person in town who had no idea about the stupid quake, phone calls, office gossip greeted me when I got to the station and I said I slept through it…I then went on air and said this…

“So we had a quake last night in Kal…I slept throught it, yep…wake me when it’s a 6.7’.

No wonder those people hated me.

I was told I had impure thoughts….what?

Stop laughing….please?

I want to go back to Roman times. Just so I can be in orgy. They were like facebook back then.

3pm: heading for the Orgy in the communinal baths

If blondes have more fun….and I love fun…how come I love redheads so much….?

Fuck the Royal Show!

Scariest thing I’ve seen this week: The cross-pollination of TV ads at the movies. I go to the movie to get away from shit on TV…fuck me!

I miss taping the radio.

I miss you

I must not have digusting sexual thoughts, I must not have digusting sexual thoughts, I must not have digusting sexual thoughts, I must not have digusting sexual thoughts, I must not have digusting sexual thoughts, I must not have digusting sexual thoughts….Peter Pan should have fucked Tinkerbell.

I find it amusing that they have people who draw pictures of Bart fucking Lisa Simpson….WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!

Fuck Glee!

Another annoying 'buzz show'

Who thinks I would be a GREAT Corrupt Cop?

I work in a nightclub and HEAPS of fights…can I see a GOOD fight, just for once?

Speaking of which, why is it dudes who get arrested on TV for fighting or Drunk and Disorderly charges always have their shirts off. Does this actually make you fight better with your shirt off…you’re not in the MMA, keep your damn shirt on, you bogan halfwit dickheads!

example A

What is Cody Diablo thinking!? Megan Fox as a vampire! With an awkward young teen girl as the hero (Juno without the kid pretty much)…Diablo your going the wrong way here sweetheart!

Why, Diablo, why?

Note to white guys STILL wearing ‘Gangsta’ clothes….stop. The 8 Mile thing died years ago. Even Eminem (your messiah) stop giving a shit about 5 years ago.

The 90’s were 95% shit, musically.

I love the word ‘slut’. I also love sluts.

True Fact: I’ve never had a pity fuck…i’m shocked!

The new vegemite is called ‘iSanck 2.0′ they turn vegemite into computer software. Fuck sake!

This shit has a name now...iSnack 2.0 *shakes head*

I’m not a sex in public kind of guy…but if you own a Hummer…think of it. Driving a Hummer coping a Hummer, it’s worth doing for the comedic value ALONE!

Dog act of the week: some dickhead king-hitting a guy and his girlfriend at my local. Fuck that shit pisses me off. These people needs to be beaten senseless with a brick, for about 4 hours, and AIDS infected Lady Gaga fan, listening to her album on loop.

If you want a headfuck and have ITunes check out the ‘Night Air’ Podcast…your head will love you for it.

More Vampire shit! I really hate Twilight and the stupid shit surrounding it. I can’t think of many good Vampire movies or TV shows. The only decent Vampire flick was ‘Interview with a Vampire’. I thought this shit ended with Buffy….thanks Hollywood.

If people are going to fight in nightclubs or pubs, let bring it back to the old days, one on one, like Gentlemen. Take it outside, punch on, with the ‘dukes up’ (think 1800’s boxing), someone wins, no one gets mauled, glassed, stomped or hurt in any real way (busted lip and black eye at worst). The fight is declared over, everyone goes back in the pub, the drinking commences. One new rule, the fighting parties have to shake hands after and go home. Some decorum please!

Until Next Week…drink, fuck, masturbate, shit and do all things God told you not to do…barring rape and murder…take care of yourself and that’s it.

With Love and Rough Sex

Gav