More things and people I can live without….

After the success of the last list here’s more, in more detail.

Hands Free Kits (outside of your car):

Not what i'm talking about...but it is a good illustration.

Hold your phone, you lazy, pretensious cocksucker! Why the fuck do these people walk around the city, talking to the bluetooth things…hold your phone you dumb fuck!

People who play music on trains…on the LOUD speaker:

Com’on this must piss you off too! I don’t care if an advanced copy of the new Prodigy album, keep your shitty music to yourself…thats what headphones are built for.

Racists:

Someone please fire some rounds into these sad fucks!

Hey guys, skin is not an issue. Variety is the spice of life. Hate someone because they’re an arsehole or a fuckhead…or because he fucked your wife. Not because he or she is Black or Asian or Tasmanian (yes, i’m kidding Tasmanians).

Besides international folk are MUCH more interestng than my own coutnrymen (sorry, but they are). You talk to an Irish person bout the IRA (no matter what side there one…fascinating and harrowing stuff). Or an Israeli about the forced military service they do (i’d love to hear from a Palestinian…but haven’t had the chance)…or whatever. It’s incedible to hear the experiences of others from other countries. Try it some time you closed-minded, racist fucks!

Note: Same goes for gay-bashers by the way.

Extra Note: Being hit on by a creepy guy (as talked about in my previous post) and wanting to hit the guy doesnt equate to “gay hate”. I dislike that guy for ruining my night. I know several gay & lesbien people (a couple of them are very close friends) and all of them are wonderful, kind and caring people. I wish the ratio was the same for us “straight” folk. Moving on.

People sleeping on the train next to me:

How do people do this...seriously?

Look, this is one of those times where I want NO human contact. Going to and from work…leave me the fuck alone. So some guy snoring away and leaning on me like he going for my wallet or my crotch is not appreciated…fuck you and wake up!

Women who question chivalry:

Now, this is wierd?....wow, so should call you a "slut' to make you comfortable?

Girls….i’m not going to rape you! I’m not to mug you! I said “ladies first”, which means you exit the life, train, bus or door first….THAT’S IT! It’s called MANNERS! I WAS TAUGHT THEM AS A KID. I’ll write a full blog about this later….

Blackouts:

They suck, next case.

People who cough and don’t cover there mouths:

This man has the right idea...kind of....

Once again,  MANNERS! I don not want nor need your cold, flu or venerial disease…cover your fucking mouth!

Loud Business Men:

We know your affluent, well-off and over-payed. This is no excuse for you to be an obnoxious prick in a quiet pub, restuarant or bar! You swearing (yes, i’m a contrdiction written large…blah, blah), carrying on and big noting yourself and ripping other business dicks is not coming off well to the rest of the group…remember we can kill you. Your money is no good to you, if your lying in a shallow grave…remember that.

Dealing other peoples fuck ups:

I know YOU hate this too. When someone makes the most simple mistake and for some reason YOU are the one who has to clean up THIER mess. I feel bad those who clean up mine.

In fact, could someone send me on a fact finding mission around Australia, I wont ask for much paywise and I’ll work solo. In fact I will only do it solo. This subject is why I prefer to work alone.

Light night phone calls:

You now you know why I turn my phone is off at night? It’s to ignore YOU! After 9pm on a weeknight my phone is always off. I’m at home relaxing, away from people’s stupid bullshit. It can wait til tomorrow, trust me. Unless it’s a booty call, that i’ll answer.

Regards

Gav

Things and people and can live without…

Seems this is only place in the world were praise can cause the ultimate shitfight….

Back to the hate…this is your fault readers!

Here’s a list things and people I can live without…

• Hay Fever
• Overly-emotional people
• Angry Taxi drivers
• Smelly people on publc transport
• Insurance companies
• Sexual Predators
• Cock-teasers
• The NAB cup
• John Rillie
• 5am starts
• Those fucking Southern Cross tattoos
• “Ocka” Aussie chicks…shut your mealy mouths please!
• Ben Cousins in the The West EVERYDAY…
• People who don’t tip
• All things Australiana…especially John Williamson
• Lawn Bowls on TV
• Turbo Cars with blower valves….we know you have a miniture dick, don’t advertise it!
• Bays that wiegh over 25kg
• Motorcross fans….the Fox shirts looking fucking stupid
• The smell of urine
• Obese people on trains
• Poor customer service
• Wierdo DUDES trying to hit on me…yep, not a comfortable feeling, P.s Get the point, fuckface, I dont like dudes….shit!
  
• Popped collars
• Screamo
• Drug-fucked teens in the city

Another pointless questionaire….I love days off!

1. Where is your cell phone? In my room

2. Your hair? attached to me

3. Your father? suffering his karmic fate

4. Your favorite thing? Not enough of it

5. Your dream last night? none

6. Your favorite drink? Those wonderfully social fruit tingle are tasty and help me socialise with the female folk.

7. The room you are in? The spare room

8. Your biggest fear? Growing old and not having done as much travel and women as i need to before I die young.

9. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Rich, travelling Europe and the US for a second time.

10. Muffins? Bacon N egg?

11. One of your wish list items? 40 million dollars…then i’ll buy the whole fucking list.

12. Where you grew up? Craigie, bitch

13. The last thing you did? Typed on a keyboard

14. What are you wearing? your sisters skin!

15. Your TV? In my room, not swtiched on.

16. Your pets? i possess no such distractions to my money and time

17. Your computer? in front of me you dumb fuck!

18. Your life? is interesting taxing and not without a drama every 5 minutes.

19. Your mood? brooding

20. Missing someone? starting not to.

21. Your car? Non-existant

22. Favorite store? 78’s

23. Your summer? Has been brutal…worst summer EVER!

24. Your favourite colour? black

25. When is the last time you laughed? today at old CDFM eps with my brother

26. Last time you cried? fuck off

27. Four people who email me? sandra, facebook with updates, perth music folk and your sister…

28. Three of my favourite foods? steak, rice, pasta

29. Three places I would rather be right now? Sydney in youth hostel, in bed with Rosie Beaton and having sex with your sister!

30. For some reason they couldn’t be bothered with more than 29 questions (or attempts at questions). So I’m writing this sentence for the pure hell of it. Booyakasha.

10…5…1…..aaaaaaaand done….now clean yourself up….

10 Years:

1.) How old were you? 14

2.) Where did you go to school? Craigie High R.I.P

3) Where did you work? didnt

4) Where did you live? Craigie

5.) Where did you hang out? Basketball Courts

6.) Did you wear glasses? no

7.) Who was your best friend? Rob

8.) How many tattoos did you have? none

9.) How many piercings did you have? none

10.) What car did you drive? None…hello 14

11.) Had you been to a real party? i had such a supressed childhood

12.) Had you had your heart broken? no

13.) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divor

ced? Single

5 Years:

1.) How old were you? 19

2.) Where did you go to school? didnt

3.) Where did you work? casual work for someone….

4.) Where did you live? Craigie

5.) Where did you hang out? 897

6.) Did you wear glasses? No

7.) Who was your best friend? Didn’t have one

9.) How many tattoos did you have? none

10.) How many piercings did you have? none

11) What car did you drive? My old Barina….i miss that very relibable car.

12) Had your heart broken? nope…that was to be a year later

13. Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? single

Now:

1.) How old are you? 24

2.) Where do you work? Rydges Hotel

3.) Where do you live? Craigie bahahahaa

4.) Do you wear glasses? no

5.) Who are your best friends? Ben & Sandra

6.) Do you talk to your old friends? No…although i’d like to catch up with Rob.

7.) Do you have any more piercings than before? no

8.) How many tattoos? none

9.) What kind of car do you have? at the moment…none

10.) Has your heart been broken? Several times now

11.) Are you Single/Taken/Married/Divorce? Singl

Mild rant….Gav vs Mosquitoes!

These cul-de-sac’s in evolution, must be phrased out now….

Why?

Dear Universe,

Why did you create mosquitoes? Was it a joke? The creators must be pissing themselves still in the penthouse boardroom of the Universe at the thought of what they did with that annoying, buzzing, disease spreading little bastard of an insect in the Idio-Humaniod Section of the Universe on Earth.

Take that humans!

What is this things’ purpose in life?

Spreading disease…sneezing and fucking do a pretty good job of that….we can phrase these little shits out now…please?

Why have I chose Mozzies as target? Because they love draining me of my lifeblood.

Just because I smell good to you, mosquito, does NOT mean you can feed on me. No wonder I hate vampire movies and books (especially those Stephanie Meyer ones…fuck!). True Blood excludued…that show aint bad! These bastards are ruining my summers and leaving me with DOZENs of marks and itch spots on my legs….PISS OFF!

I persoally think they should be phrased out and introduced a new female human species…one that likes me. That would be nice….yes, im selfish and weird.

Mozzies MUST die!

Regards and Mozzie Malace

Gav

Random thoughts, queries and hungover shit.

Thanks for all the feedback on the facebook feed, everyone. I appreciate your thoughts (even they are mostly agreeing with me…which is a major shock). I love your thoughts and keep em coming.

Part 1: Confession time.

This will disappoint a couple of my readers…but I actually have devloped soft spot for someone. This woman’s identity will not be revealed because…

1. I’m thinking of burying my feeling for this girl

2. She seems to not be interested  at all!

3. Would you date someone who thinks like I do?

4. Being linked to me is not the best thing in the world (ask ex-girlfriends)

Either way, this is one of the few people I actually get tounge tied around (Me meeting my radio hero/celeb crush Rosie Beaton was a case of me turning into goo around someone).

Ahhhh I love you, Rosie *swoons*

I have so very little confidence around women at the moment ( ask my best mate Ben), I can’t even drop my over-thinking, over analying ways…shit faced drunk and with some easy (also very drunk) looking chick giving me the eye. On several occassions…i’m like “nahhhh, she not interested”. Or the over-analysing Gav says…

“What about tomorrow morning?”

“It’s only been 3 weeks…you can’t stoop that low, yet”

That and I’m told if I go home with one more so-called “average chick” (I dont want a model, blonde girlfriend…i like unique and unconvential) by certain male and female friends of mine, I will be castrated.

What about free love? Yes, i’m joking everyone.  On ALL points of humor…

Anyhoo. I’ve spoken to my good friends at length about this sensation which will not die. It’s against my better judgement want to pursue this woman (I suspect i’ll have an embarrassing story soon to tell). Shit, my bestie is helping me out…it all begins next Saturday.

She seems like a wonderful gorgeous woman, genuinely endearing and has a killer smile. I hate thinking like this…but here I am…thinking it. Fuck i’m an idiot! More soon…

Regards and Dirty Lanudry

Gav

Words from a bitter, single man for Valentines Day

This is an attack! This is not a cry for help or attention, this will not feature any message of love or proposals of marriage…basically…here’s what’s been eating about V-Day.

Is this you?...then leave me alone on V-Day!

To quote someone (a very attractive taken lady at work) “It’s a hoax day”.

Gav’s thoughts: This day is full of shit!

Lovelorn dude: Let’s buy my wife  some token gift to show her my love and devotion to her….

FFFFFFFFT!

Maybe you should love that person everyday, you shallow prick!

Because of YOU, the corperate cocksucker, makes EVEN MORE money, while you sacrifice 3 months salary on a metal trinket. Smart stuff…really smart. Most of the time (with good women), if you cook for her, give her a backrub…you’re probably going to get that sex your pining so much for.

Nawwww......*projectile vomits*

If she doesn’t appreciate a good effort to cook (especially if you’re like me and fucking awful in the kitchen). Perhaps in stead of nice gold ring or necklace (not of the “pearl” kind)…give the unappreciative cow, a burger ring (or a Cheezel…your choice fellas) and kick her sorry arse out of your life.

Yep...Jen and Vince....did this movie end happily? I've never seen it.

Now heres the underlying question:

How does spending money equate to love and romance?

That’s a serious question for you, reader.

Now, I totally expect to cop shit for this blog. I know what’s coming too from at least one of you…

“Just because you’re lonely, single and bitter on Valentines Day doesn’t mean you have bring everyone else down”

That’s exactly why!

*Laughs for about 3 minutes*

I’d still have this same gripe if I was a taken man (yes, I’ve had relationships and had sex without paying for it). 

But then you would say……”cheapskate!”

I’d say “Go fuck yourself you shallow bastard!”…

Simply because I believe a good woman would appreicate a personal touch, like a home cooked meal, a long drive to a nice spot on a beach and have some wine and do whatever comes to mind….that to me would be better than a piece of metal and hotel room at double the price it normally would be.

 If the latter is for you, ladies. This is for you too. If you’re the kinda of girl who won’t date guy without a six digit bank account, penis extension…. errr sports car, and a tailored suit for EVERY DAY of the week?  Then you go and enjoy your shit sex life, and unhappy marriage with your hateful tick-like kids. If there is justice in this world (there’s not but hey…) i’ll be married to a lovely Hippy chick running some vegan bar (it’s coming trust me!) in Margaret River.

Happy Valentines Day, everyone!

With Oddles of Huge and kisses and cuddles and absolutely NO STD’s!

Gav

Aussie Spirit: My view on (some networks) TV coverage of the Victorian Bushfires.

It’s a horrible, tragic event whats happened/happening in Victoria right now. 181 (as Feb 10th evening) have perished in a firestorm which no one could run or hide from. Nature at it’s most vicious and brutal. Whole families gone, kids without parents, parents without kids….hundreds more injured and 5000 plus homeless. Whole towns destroyed…you get the picture. Mighty fucked up for all involved.

Whole towns are left like this....it's horrific!

I want to be there in Victoria right now, i wanna be on the ground, handing out blankets, food and consoling people (they’re mostly inconsolable but I’d like to try). Me being 3000kms away and work commitments stop me from doing this. So i’ve done my bit and donated money to the Red Cross for these people. I couldnt give much but I gave my bit….that’s all i will say about my small contribution.

Do not label this mans’ efforts. Human Kindness needs no label.

I, however…don’t call it a name. What people, companies and the government are doing for the victims of this fire does not need a label. We don’t need to fly flags, use emotive words or have David Koch wearing an Akrubra and using the word “Dinky-Di” on morning TV. This is not “Aussie Spirit”.

This is people doing the right thing.

Keep putting that Red Cross number on the screen and tell me the facts. We do not need to pat ourselves on the back. Just do the right thing, donate blood or money and go on with your day.

That’s good human shit, not labelling it and talking up “aussie spirit” and showing fucking flags. It’s people showing human kindness, do not tarnish the good will of people who have donated money, clothes and blood to get these poor people who have lost everything, including for some thier lives and loved ones.

Australians pulling together makes me proud to be human not proud to be Australian.

Regards

Gav

Some forwarded facebook thing…

Your playlists say a lot about you . . .

All right this works just like all those other “random stuff” notes except this one is easy – it comes straight off the mp3 player of your choice. Put the player on “random”…blah blah…you get thew deal.

1. Eskimo Joe – Black Fingernails, Red Wine
2. Afu-Ra – Livin Like That
3. The Transients – One Day
4. George Carlin – Brain Droppings (Audio Book)
5. The Cool Kids – Delivery Man
6. Millencolin – Penguins and Polar Bears

7. The Triffids – Wide Open Road
8. Birds Of Tokyo – Wild Eyed Boy
9. Common – Play Your Cards Right

10. The Burton Cool Suit – Swampi Swami
11.  Funkoars -Black Sally
12. The Arsonsits – Major League

13. Keane- Is It Any Wonder
14. Lupe Fiasco – Superstar
15. Clandestien – The Bloodening
16. New Rules For Boats – I’m Your Tenant
17. Harlequin League – Again and Aagin
18. Q-Tip – Gettin Up
19. Pendulum – Propane Nightmares
20. Outkast – B.O.B

21. Halcyon Daze – Disinformation Overload
22. The Grates – Carve Your Name

23. Wiley – Cash In My pocket
24. Good Little Fox – Jealous
25. The Preytells – Sacramento

Gav interviewed…for your entertainment…yay

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Never you mind…but it was last year for literally 10 seconds. That as much emotion as you get out of me for years to come…moving on.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Hell Fuck No…it’s serial killer scrawl

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Polony

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Hell fuck NO!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
See above answer.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM
I’m actually pretty direct with my humour…

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No…and thank whatever for it.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Why jump off a perfectly good bridge with nothing but a rope tied your feet, and tied by some guy i’ve never met and probably hates his job?….fuck that shit!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Weet Bix with Honey as a topping.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I have all slip ons.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Pretty much ANY ice cream!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
How they act….as shallow I am…I always look deeper.

15. RED OR PINK?
Depends on what bodyparts you thinking of at the time….whoops

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My dark, who gives a shit attitude and shyness around women i’d actually date long term.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
She knows who she is.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Don’t care.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Just shorts here…denim….yay for fashion.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The hum of the garbage at Craigie Shops and the fan p this laptop.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE
Black

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
That new anything smell, new car, freshly printed basketball cards…new anything makes me happy.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE
Ben.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
I stole it from Fab.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH
Footy, Basketball, People Hunting…..err i’ve said too much

27. HAIR COLOR?
golden brown….like the Stranglers song.

28. EYE COLOR?
Grey/Blue

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Pasta, Rice, Meat and Subway!

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
neither

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
some shitty movie on Foxtel.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Either is good.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
No one

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
see above

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I’m waiting for a copy of Dexter By Design…hurry up book stores!

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It would a piece of scrap paper.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Top Gear.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
You don’t want to know

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Stones

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Newcastle, Australia

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
No

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Wagga Wagga, NSW

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
i’m not

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
I dont have one. Can’t you tell?