Interesting social feedback…thanks to facebook.

I’m currently looking at my results with the “compare people” function on facebook. I’m finding out about what perception people have of me…it’s very interesting (to me at least).

NOTE: Take everything I say from this point on with a great deal sarcasm and humour, please….oh, and this is not cry for vote either…ok…you scumbags!

My worst ranking is 60th for a shock catergory “rather travel with” with a 1-5 win/loss record…interesting…but hey I travel alone anyway…people only slow me down. You trying to cockblock me in a bar in city i’ve never been is not needed either. I work alone! BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Something that was even more amusing was my 0-11 win/loss with my HAIR! Which places me in 57th place overall amoungst my facebook buddies. I didn’t even know you could judged on your hair….word of advice….ask the same question in 20 years….when I still have all of my hair.

The one that stings is the 1-7 win loss for “rather sleep with”…FUCK! 46th place for that one. I wonder who that one person was…bahahaha

More surprises….I had 2 wins (and 9 losses) in the catergory of best body…I deserve to 0-11 in that one!

Less shocking same record in “who is sexier” 2-9….what am I the sex Perth Glory?

3-8 win/loss for “better laugh” because very few people have heard my REAL laugh…that big loud thing is a radio construction and almost to make unfunny feel better about them selves….sorry once again.

3-4 win/loss for more naturally talented….what talents do I actually possess?….i’m not even a very good radio presenter, sheesh!

2-5 for “rather get stuck in handcuffs with”. Well because i’d find a way to get you off me…one way or another.

3-5 win/loss for better dancer….HOW THE FUCK DID I GET 3 WINS! Really i’m awful on a dancefloor (bad white man dancing!)…if I do dance it’s a female very close to me and she does all the movement….3 wins….sweet jaysus!

0-3 win/loss for “better father material”….no shit, sherlock!

The harshest win loss for a suprising ranking award goes to….”better catch” 2-11 OUCH! I guess those blogs about me saying “love is chemical addiction and a useless feeling getting you NOWHERE!”, worked obviously…*cut wrists*…… I’m wierdly in 22nd place in this one with that 2-11 record…there must be a lot of sad, single fuckers out there in my facebook friends list….poor bastards.

3-4 for people who are jealous of me……for what!?

4-8 for “more fashionable”…this one hurts, I dress well fuckers! (note: working in fashion retail helped me BIG time!)

Lets get some on to semi-positive catergories:

4-6 for “most loyal”…thanks to those 4 people….seriously.

3-3 for “most useful”….I find this funny….that 50% of people think I should disappear into the abyss.

4-5 “more generous”….LIES! Ask the any charity I have ever walked past about my generous nature. You may have stuff thrown at you for knowing me.

3-6 for “most attractive”…i reckon this went up a couple of notches due to my glamour shots (Thanks Bridget!)

My first plus .500 win/loss on this list 5-4 for most creative….meaning “most shit ideas with no chance of any one of them money-making”.

Only 6 people would hang-out with me for a whole day….and 8 other would not….*cries*. How about 2 hours?

5-5 for “better singer”! WOW! Tone Deaf much?

4-5 for “rather be trapped on desert island with” I think the 5 losses say intelligence on the part of those people, the other 4 wins would eventually become lunch….

4-4 for “rather dinner with”….as long as i’m not cooking!

4-6 for ‘most adventerous”…i think this will soar into a major win catergory very soon.

THE WINNING RECORDS!

There is a fair few…but i’ll put up the amusing ones.

7-4 for “most artistic”….should I buy a beret now or later?

6-4 “more confident”….people obviously don’t know the real Gav…..trust me thats a good thing.

7-7 for most cuddly…hug me and answer that again.

5-2 for best profile picture….money well spent on those glamour shots!

Money well spent.

6-3 “more famous”…i’m glad six people know I do a radio show…yay for 6 people listening to my shit. *burns down the studio*

5-3 for “rather live with”…ask my former roommates.

6-5 for “better listener”…WHAT THE FUCK!?

6-4 for “more likely to win a fight”….ummmmm riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

6-3 for “better friend”….nawwwwwwwww shucks.

5-0 for “better taste in music”….damn fucking skippy!

8-1 for “most entertaining”…you love, you really love me!

8-3 for “most crazy”….now you’re making sense!

7-4 for “most organised”….read the Melbourne blog and vote again.

GAV WINS!

These are catergories i’m ranked No.1 in:

“More Outgoing” 7-2 (1st). No comment.

“Better Public speaker”14-4 (1st)….I’m glad i’m not friends with Barack Obama.

9-0 for “most talkative”….this is a perfect victory for me.

Hope you’re not asleep….

Regards

Gav

Public Transport….Part 1

I hate and love public transport.

Love the stories it provides me with…hate the morons who create those stories…confused? So am I.

Moving on…

Two things that shit me and public transport…

People playing thier music loud on the train/bus:

While I have an mp3 player myself and live with it on while on the move. Some people think it’s entirely fine to just play there music through the loud speaker so everyone can hear they’re listening to Wes Carr (sad I know who that is) or some shit music that I avoid by wearing my headphones and having my own mix going directly into my ears.

Example: Today…some douche bag drinker playing a movie on some mini DVD player thingy (it was like one but not…what was a strange object making a shitload of noise). Either way, I felt like giving this fucker my spare headphones. Yes, I have a spare set of headphones in my bag.

Why would do that? Why would not think people wouldn’t have issue with that? I’m the kind of guy who doesnt care about people opinions, but i’m still fucking polite! I still have to common sense (not that common obviously) to think “hey, this could get my head caved in if i dont wear headphones”. BAHHHHH!

People who don’t control thier offspring:

This one really shits me, I don’t care if you hate your kids or not. CONTROL THEM IN PUBLIC PLACES! I was a shit in public (you can tell) but I was controlled by my parents. I know some think smacking is bad, but some kids need to clip around the ears. A stiff slap will learn ya!

Example…a nanna & her whatevers’ kids on the bus. These three shits were running a muck on the bus. She just sat there and reading her Sidney Sheldon book. I was thinking ‘FUCK SAKE SIT THOSE SHITS DOWN!’. I hate kids at the best of times….but when there running around on a bus, endangering themselves and others by crawling over shit. I think “hit the breaks”….just once. That’ll learn these dipshit kids. To the nan…thier blood would be on your hands. Put that in your Sidney Sheldon and title it “Bad Grandparents and a blood stained bus”.

Regards

Gav

Picking up The Pieces…

After the debacle which was the Melbourne Saga…

I’m back home in Perth, eating Pasta, and recovering from a toe injury I sustained in Melbourne (another fun part of the Melbourne shit I put myself into).

Now the question is ‘what’s next?’. Not in the negative sense…in the what do I do now sense. I still have this 2011 trip on the agenda, i’ve got too many ideas about that trip to make sure this will be a reality. I wanna write a book about my failures and the trip of a lifetime in 2011. I think the failure book would sell well (or be the opening part of the trip book). People love a car wreck…my life tends to resemble one, in fact I’ve been in a serious car wreck in 2003. Lived to tell the tale. So i’ve been through MUCH worse than my abortion of my Melbourne stay. Thus me being upbeat about my current situation.

The best part is, that this has taught me a lesson but hasn’t changed me. I’m still the ambitious, free spirit I was before the Melbourne failure. But even more so now, I’m even MORE determined to go around Oz in 2011. When will I learn?

Although a very close friend of mine (and she’s an ex too), told me “this should be a lesson and you should straighten out your life“.In other words….“Gav, you’re a miserbale failure and to be honest with you… women won’t date you because you’re a loser with no master plan and no real goals”.

That’s how I read it anyway. Women tend to say thing a lot nicer than what they REALLY  mean….in my short experience on this planet. This is from one of the few people who I actually admire and like and would consider “loving’ them, IF I didn’t have such an issue with the concept of love.

But she was right on something else and this was much more forthright…. ‘you’re selfish“.

I very well know i’m selfish, especially in a situation like Melbourne….when the chips are down, i’m very much “every man for himself”. I don’t ask for help either….which is a pride issue.

Either way, here is my plan for 2009/10….to get me 2011 and that trip of a lifetime.

JOB

APARTMENT (rental)

CAR

I would like to be a concierge. I think I would make a great concierge. I may not seem like a people person…but I can be the most warm and inviting person you’ve ever met (when I can be fucked doing so). So that’s the aim…become a porter/concierge for 2 years. Do my trip and come back to the job I was doing before. You can make a good career in hotels… a duty managers make some decent cash so “why not” I say.

The plan begins today with a job interview…here I go.

The Melbourne Saga…

Well here I am. After the rather spiteful blog on Christmas Day, I will apologize to my good friends who wrote me after with a “please explain”. To you i’m apologize again. This is the story of the most EPIC of fails…Gav’s “move” to Melbourne in January 2009 which lasted a whole 6 and half days.

Now on to this Melbourne business…and how it all went down.

Day 1:

Red Eye Flights are NEVER fun, but this flight was especially shit for some reason. It may have been the cantankous guy in the opposite seat or the fact that the airline I used asks you to pay for the TV you watch…i’m not paying for 3.5 hours of television ever.

Anyway, 30 minutes (estimate) of sleep (out of the 4 hours we were in the air) later I arrived in Melbourne at 5:38am local time.

Where I found myself saying two words….UNSEASONABLY COLD!

I come from Perth in the midst of a heat…38. 39. 17 with a gusty winding off the Bass Strait. In other words…fucking cold! It was a Perth winters’ day in the height of summer.

Sarina (my new roommate) & I went to Frankston after I slept most of the morning away. Frankston known as scumfuck area wasn’t too bad at the beach anyway. At the end of the train line different story. We looked at some Dinosaurs made out of sand…I have to say…well done to the sculptures…the work was awesome.

Went home shattered, and slept for 11 hours.

Day 2:

We had a hire car so we moved house…to our new location in the CBD.

Heres my trip inventory (so you know how little i had to move personally):

One suitcase with clothes and toiletries…
My laptop and the bag it was carried
and my general everyday bag.

THAT’S IT!

I’ve done this moving around stuff enough now to know to travel lightly. I’ll think i’m smart later…

I then headed out to see my best friend Simona…

Then I caught up with my dear friend Simona. Spend the evening partying it with her…Now with more promise for fun and madness with dear Mona.

I went to her friends going away BBQ. Her friend is Jade and Jade was the single best looking woman i’ve ever seen in person. Wow! Regardless of that situation I had fun meeting Mona’s friends and apparantly they liked me… They were a cool crowd and one of them (who used to play in Perth hard rock legends Heavy Weight Champ) recognised me at this shindig…kinda cool that these dudes remembered my face from Perth Music shows…or maybe I have memorable face…in the “not-good” way? Western.Oz was worth the effort.

Talking to Mona about sex for 90 minutes was hilarious, talking to the women at the party was also quite amusing to boot (I didnt flirt that much either) I went home feeling quite pleased with myself…and glad I got to talk to some guy about Hardcore Punk too (not the whingy emo kind). Fascinating stuff.

Day 3:

Wow. New Apartment, I didn’t expect to move this quick to be honest. I’m actually concerned already…should I be…probably not. Either way, i’m living in the Melbourne CBD and this apartment is VERY New York…Gav in the City without the sex or homo cocktails. Best part of this whole exercise i’m 2 minute from Flinders Street Train Station…that is fucking awesome trust me!

Although in the NOT awesome file…I lost my bankcard today…I cancelled it and all. But no bankcard and no idea how i’ll be at this address either….Ive decided to be concerned now.

Day 4:

11am:

Job search MANIA today! I’ve been a resume flinging machine! 22 jobs in less than 2 days…a few rejections but that’s what come with the territory. Lunch is needed…i’ll be back later…

4pm:

Wow….it’s all fallen apart…in a matter of hours. The place i’m staying at…is a place i shouldn’t be. Apparantly, the one of the people who rents this place who had NO IDEA that me OR Sarina were staying here (this person is currently in Africa). It was her roommate who let me & Sarina stay here. I was informed by the boyfriend of the other tenant (who was cooler than expected I would kicked my arse out on the spot!). I’ve volunteered to leave tomorrow (i’m not squatting on thier couch that poor form and I would be here if I knew the full situation) and apologised to him and his absent girlfriend for any inconvience, he was like “relax” and I’m currently really pissed off (and was really pissed off at the time). This has turned from an adventure to a nightmare in world-record-time. What the fuck do I do about this one? Sarina and I need to have a long chat I think…

9pm:

I told Sarina about the problem (and the fact I have a MAJOR issue with this situation)…she seems more worried about me dumping everything and fucking off home…i’m starting to think… there is no good job prospects in next 4 weeks (yes, i could work in a cafe but I can do that in Perth for fuck sake!) good jobs are the reason I came to Melbourne…it seems that i’ll be homeless and unemployed as of tomorrow. I’m fucked. I need to think of a plan and quick.

Day 5:

7am:

Decision time, I had a restless night. Too much to think about. Mona has bailed me out of sleeping on a park bench but thats for about 2 weeks. I’m starting to think that this is totally not worth the fight. Like I said previous, job prospects are low and sleeping on peoples couches is not my idea of stability or a way too live in this manner. I will pack my shit and get out of this fucking apartment. I’ve been an unexpected nuisance for long enough.

12:35pm:

Decision made. I’m going the fuck home tomorrow! No point digging myself out of this crater. I have money and friends at home (who I have to call and say “hey i’m bugging out…i’ll be home by the weekend”). Jodie knows already, I also called Sandra too…I need to talk to someone about what’s going on. The worst part of all this…until tonight it’s me and my bags…this would be cool if I was backpacking…then i’d happy with this amount of free movement…alas i’m homeless with a laptop in a library and a suitcase in a security locker at Southern Cross Station. In fact this lappy is going to join that suitcase shortly…more later

11pm:

Ticket purchased, a home sortted, friends informed, shame growing, hope rising cause i’ll be at home soon with a heatwave, no car and my job at Jay Jays intact. By some fluke i’m still actually employed there…so back to work I go for the Jays! That makes me smile…I like that job. I was stupid to leave.

But fuck today was draining! I’m shattered right now. That and my toe has becoming infected for it being stepped on during a BBQ on Boxing Day. I’ll get that seen to when I get back, painkillers help. I also slammed my pointer finger in a door today….not pleasant. Physical pain to go with the stress and emotional distress i’ve had over head for the last 33 hours. One more day and I flight out tomorrow night at 645pm. I’ll be on the bus at 4pm…I’m just needing to go home and curl up and die for a week. The brutality of this trip has taught me an incredible lesson. Rash even though seemingly calculated decisions will ALWAYS fall over hard!

The worst part for me is that I have no car now. I didn’t love that car…but it was my car. Public transport in Perth is poor compared to here in Melbourne. I’ll miss my freedom of driving for a while….fuck!

Time to sleep.

Day 6: The Final Day!

7am:

Awake from a broken sleep, 11 hours to go. Katy Perry on the TV. “You change you’re mine like a girl changes clothes”…this is aimed at me today, Katy. That being said fuck you Katy (bahahaha), I’m glad that i’ve made this decision, I can find that corner and lick my wounds. Today i’m a defeated man and think that this post-grand-final-like-loss feeling will hang around for quite some time. Once again I wear my failure on my sleeve and air them publicly….when will I learn….probably never. I think i’ll be super tourist today. More when wirte more on the plane.

7pm:

Well I was super tourist, looked at bunch of shit. Docklands, Lygon Street and more and all on free bus. I thought ‘fuck it’, smash in some tourist bullshit and stay off my feet at the same time. I also did some shopping…scored some nice dress shirts for the ladies….well for me to wear and the ladies to say nice shirt…..yes, joking about the ladies…but yeah….

11pm:

Sorry I was interupted by a lovely lady named Alana. Who I spoke to for the next three hours of the flight home. Thanks to her for an interesting enlightening and downright awesome conversation.

Jodie gave me a lift and spare bed to sleep in. God bless her. I need sleep now…but fuck it’s hot! Better being cold on the streets of Melbourne though…Goodbye shittest week ever.

An apology

Two words are flying through my head at orbital speed at the moment…

EPIC FAIL!

This is a failure of the highest esteem. Not completely on par with the Kalgoorlie thing (that ended a career). I failed. Simple.

I’ll tell the full story tomorrow, but I jumped at decision way too soon and caused myself a bunch unwanted, un-needed stress, was almost homeless and found myself unemployed with a no prospect of decent work for god knows how long.

For the people who told me “stand and fight”…i have two words for you…..PYRRHIC VICTORY!

For those wondering what pyrrhic victory is…i refer you to this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyrrhic_victory

Why would would this be a pyrrhic victory…simple. This is a fight not worth the struggle. It’s also a good escape plan to right leave now. When I still have money in the bank and the good sense to think straight.

As the wikipedia thing says…”A pyrrhic victory is a victory with devastating cost to the victor”

Too much effort and pain and loss for a shitty result = me flying home going back to my old job and life with new sense of resolve about that life and thinking…”I have it pretty good at home”.

So I apologize to those I hurt but fucking off to Melbourne. I feel ashamed of my failure and will feel this loss for sometime to come.

You can send your hate mail, fake sympathy and “told you so’s” to me when I get home.

Yours humbly

Gav